Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I think even if I can become a musician (which is like so totally impossible), I may not choose to become one, even if it breaks my heart. The thing is I think I am falling too much in love with music. I am losing track of my duty, responsibility and obligation to God. I think He is hinting that to me too - he only let me take a further step in my musical aspect of life when I told myself I would become a doctor whether I can or cannot become a pianist. Honestly, when I play music, it is for myself. I think. I don't play it for God or anyone else. And that's just the point. Music is meant to be shared. Beethoven composed in order to share his music with other people. Another smaller reason would be a little bit of competitiveness. Or competition. Or whatever. In any case I feel I may just have to give up this childish dream. It is blinding me and becoming an obstacle. As a sort of non-serious activity music may help to bring me closer to God, but if it becomes my career...
Why must we have our own dreams which can never be fulfilled? Why must we be so self-centred? Why? Why...?
Is it the hardest to give up a dream when you know you can fulfil it but you musn't?
